He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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