Sry I called you an 8
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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