Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
