Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
