Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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