Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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