you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You need Xanax blowdarts
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
