I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
why is half of my head shaved?
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