my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
The best revenge is premature balding
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
