I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
