The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
