can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
