I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
