Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
