Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
