dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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