I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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