So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
