Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
