if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
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