States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I would ride that face into the sunset
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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