i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
