I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
