woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
