I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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