Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
she pinky promised me she was 18
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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