in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
