My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
