Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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