She announced her abortion via fbk
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
