He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
