she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
