Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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