she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
