I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
