Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
