I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
This girl is more easily done than said...
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
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