this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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