Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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