I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
