She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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