It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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