and you said cock pushups were impossible
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
