i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize