well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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