I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
