Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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