He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
