does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
