We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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