her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
