i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
