The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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