Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
A+ Viking dick
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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