I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
