pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize