tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
