ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
