Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
