READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize