God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
