Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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