I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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