you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
