I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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